plotmaster (plotmaster) wrote in heartless_fics,

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In Which Halloween part II is late because shut up, time travel

Titlecostume fun
Author: lonelylovely
Rating: The spelling and grammar alone warrant two shadows, and that’s not even getting into the literally incomprehensible story, the character rape, and the sex (despite the K+ rating). I’m very tempted to call troll.
Full names: Sora, Kairi and Riku.
Full Species (es): I’m sure they’re something.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Assumed Canon, though the author insert has purple hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Assumed Canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: None
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a dress and a ‘vail’, Kairi has a top hat and a ‘kain’, and Riku has a topless cowboy outfit.
Origin: Hopefully in the mind if a sporker, a la Hi Roxas
Connections To Canon Characters: Are Data versions of them, inside DiZ’s badfic simulator.
Special Abilities: Riku cannot tell gender.
Other Annoying Traits: I have absolutely no idea what is going on at all.
I Say/Notes: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, for my sake… did any of you out there in spoker land write this? Is another chapter going to mysteriously appear in which canon characters swoop in and save the day? Should I be looking for the secret code hidden in the third letter of the eighth word of every sentence?
Is this a troll? Or did someone actually write this?
We open to our Spooking Theater, where our team is listening to Axel’s story with rapt attention.
Axel: -and then Isa started singing, and before I knew it, I was back in the Scarspork.
Riku: So, wait… it was Sora and Scar?
Roxas: And what was that thing about me being a baby?!
Axel:… Okay, you guys have no focus.
Kairi: I get it!
Axel: Thank darkness.
Roxas: So you’re stuck in a Groundhog-Day loop of badfics? That’s, like…
Axel: Terrible?
Roxas: I was gonna say karma, but that works too.
Kairi: Well guys, it looks like we have a mystery!
Riku: Zoinks.
Kairi: And I have an idea!
Axel: Anything; I don’t want to spork Titian Heat part II or something.
Kairi: Well, you said that you only remember doing one part of the Halloween Sporks last year?
Axel: Yeah?
Kairi: And now you’re back sporking the others?
Axel: Yeah?
Kairi: Well, it’s obvious what happened; you cheated!
Axel:… What?
Kairi: Obviously, you were slated to appear in four sporks, but only came for one. This is clearly the Theater just making up for lost time.
Roxas: See? Karma.
Axel: So… if I spork the fic, I’ll get back to normal?
Riku: That’s what the lady said.
Rolling it
Costume fun
Kairi: Oh that reminds me! Axel, you promised!
Axel: I did?... Sure, okay. *poofs* There; I’m Batman. *is wearing a bat logo*
The cold crisp air nipped at riku slightly,as he walked down the dark and bustling
Kairi: Did the spork goof up the format?
Roxas: *checks the script*… Nope. It just has terrible spacing.
Kairi:…. *groans*
"why did Halloween night always have to be so damn cold, he laughed coming up
with his own explination"
Riku: Riku shall now speak in the third person.
to punish the ho's that wore little bittie mini skirts to show off there
Axel: Yar, there be ass!
Riku: And I spent my formative years hanging out with Kairi; I’m cool with miniskirts.
Kairi: Aw, thanks Riku-
although he enjoyed it from time to time,(he was thinking about kairi) it was a little bit
Kairi:… *pulls her skirt as low as she can and curls up* Nevermind.
Sora and kairi started walking to the party around eight and it was almost eight-thirty
by the time they actually started to hear the sounds of laughing and music
(sora kept triping and stumbling over his dress that kairi had talked to him into wearing)
it was a very long, white, poofy dress that made him look like a bride, the white and light pink
beads that outlined the the seams trailing off on the sides to make flowers designs
glintinted in the moonlight as they walked down the path , kairi laughing the whole way
walked next to the idiot ,dressed in a top hat and black coatails and capris with little white
gloves to match twirling a kain in her hand to past the time.
All: *gaping*
Roxas: Is… what… I… what…
Kairi: MY EYES! Is that one sentence?!
Riku: Triping? Glintinted? Freaking KAIN?!
Axel: TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! Also, wholesome crossdressing.
They finally reached the steps! they could now sing along with the band inside.
Kairi: Oh, I guess we’re part of a band.
kairi begin to walk up the stairs to the door sora picked up the front of his gown and followed
palms sweaty with excitment.
Axel: And hairy with sin.
"stop being so nervous "kairi said in a teasing tone
"but this is my first..."
Roxas: Gee, I wonder what the metaphor is.
"your gonna be fine" kairi laughed again and shook in a sora your such a goodie goodie manor
Axel: Yar, Kairi be talkin’ like’ee pyrate.
Riku: And I’m pretty sure Goodie-Goodie Manor is where the Gummi Bears live.
and then turned to open the door.
"yeah lets go"sora scratched his head still uneasy
"KAIRI,HEY KAIRI"a girl yelled suddenly kairi turned around almost jabbing her kain into sora
Kairi: Those misspells are going to get really annoying, really fast.
"come over here for a second..."
Axel: *psycho strings*
kairi walked back down the stairs, sora following but before he could get off the first step kairi
stoped him.andand
Riku: *in a little kid voice* And and and blueberries and and waffles and then and then he and then he went WHOOSH and then and and…
"you go on in ,ill be there in a second"she lifted the vail and put it over his head .
Roxas: She put his head in a valise?
Axel: A vial?
Kairi: A vale?
"you make such a beautiful bride sor-chan," she laughed
Roxas: And there’s the clincher; we got ourselves a badfic.
Riku: And I think that actually makes his name longer.
sora blushing wildly, watched as kairi made her way down the path to meet her friend she was
talkin as soon as she reached the landing.
Roxas: And she was neeever heard from again.
Kairi: Wouldn’t surprise me.
he the turned and walked to the door or a guy...
Axel: He couldn’t really tell.
he made a effort to grab onto something as he fell holding out his hand hoping to grab
riku caught the hand of the girl lifting her back to her feet just in time she was very pretty in
her gown he thought it would be a shame if it got dirty.
Roxas: Did Sora just trip into another fic?
Axel: I’m starting to think that I may have broken reality.
"there you go"he smiled as she looked at him for a breif moment sora felt a rush burst in
him,riku's eyes met his.
Riku: If looks could kill…
"sorry,exscuse me..."a girl with long purple hair edged her way between sora and the door
unexpectidly, sora fell in riku yet again
Roxas: *as Kairi* What do you mean you had sex with him on accident?
Axel: *as Sora* Sure was nice of him to break my fall like that…
riku laughed, "careful now..."
sora's hand landed on his bare chest (bare because he had decided to go as a topless cowboy
Kairi: And you were scoffing at the tiny miniskirts?
Riku: Hey, kettle, pot here; you’re black.
XD a chance to make riku whatever i want him too be for halloween you know i'm not passing
that up)
Kairi: I bet the comments will think up ten sexier outfits.
Roxas: According to the sporker’s notes, he’s offering a prize for whoever does.
Riku:… Uh…
again he looked deep into those beautiful eyes, he was so close now that he could
hear his heart beating
"you look very pretty, kairi"he whispered with a smile and with that he was gone,
disappearing thru the doorway and into the crowd.
Kairi:… *looks at Sora!Roxas*
Roxas: *looks at Kairi*
Kairi:… No. No way. Sorry, I’ve got better hips. Hmph.
Axel: Among other things *thwacked*
yay, ok so this is half my story so far , what do ya think lol i sorta got into yaoi's
Kairi: AHHHHHHH! *pulls her hair* MAKE IT STOP!
-snipping the Authors notes, which is literally just an anecdote about her boyfriend-
i'll shut up now and let you read some more
Axel: Only no, you won’t, because the chapter’s over now. So, as I was saying-
Roxas: The chapter’s not over.
Roxas: We still have about three pages left.
Axel: But we just passed the Author’s Notes; that means the chapter is over.
Roxas: *glances at the script*… Nope. In this fic, they’re just kinda floating in the middle.
Axel:… *looks up*… THIS IS HELL.
Sora stood there confused by what had just happened.
Riku: Well, yeah.
The rush had turned into a sinking
feelin in his stomach, his face began to turn red the last moment playing in his head over and
over again..
Roxas: *robot voice* Restoration at… error; divide by zero- OHSHIIII-
"Shake it off sora ,"he told himself "your not a..."
Kairi: Homophobia? In our slashfic?
Axel: Just wait ‘till Christmas and the goddamn skull-f#©|<ing robots.
or was he? kairi never made him feel like that, this was all so confusing maybe he should let it
go an pretend it didnt happen, he decided walking into the party..
Roxas: *as Sora* OH MY GOD, I might be gay- oh shiny.
at first it looked like a dance party/rav people were everywhere screaming and dancing
(lots more)XD sora wilded his way thru the crowd of people trying to make it to the neares t
bunch of wall flowers he could and join them.
Kairi: Someone call Vexen; I think we just found the anti-life equation.
Riku: *as Sora* Dancing, screaming, oddly-dressed crowds of strangers… now, was that a party, or an asylum?
It was harder that it lookded
Axel: Just like sporking.
"Sora over here..." kairi yelled from across the room
sora looked across the sea of strange costumes to see kairi motioning him he smiled and
walked over..
"hey finally,"she giggled kissing him lightly on the cheek, yep he was reassured he was
all guy and all he wanted was girls lol
Kairi: *rolls her eyes* Because gay guys aren’t real men.
Axel: LAWL, silly Kairi, bears are just myths, like the G-Spot!
for the rest of the night he danced and laughed talking
to as many people as possible except one he could feel riku's eyes stairing a hole through him
Riku: I’m beginning to think I should have dressed as Superman, given that fanon thinks I have heat-ray vision.
Kairi: Hotter-than-a-topless-cowboy-costume#14
"he probably still thinks im kairi, that jerk ,"sora thought trying his best to keep no eye contact
Axel: No eye contact, just keep moving-
Roxas: No thank you! We’re fine, really! *under his breath* Just keep walking…
"hey, sora will u go get us somethin to drink"kairi smiled at him
Kairi:… *pulls her hat over her eyes* Nope. Not even gonna look anymore.
"umm sure"he started off to the kitchen, trying to remember
what kairi said that she wanted,"Was it fruit punch and ice or no
Riku: I think she ordered a tall glass of, and I quote, ‘somethin’.
he thought as he walked down the the dark hal and past the closet.
Axel: And guess who was hiding inside?
Riku: *as Dark Hal* I’m sorry, Sora; I can’t let you do that Sora; heal this Sora *dark aura*
-Sora gets a drink and realizes he’s being stalked-
he listened carefully they were about a foot away, "it was too heavy too be kairi,
Kairi:… Thanks?
to small to be a serial killer who makes special trips too halloween
Riku: You must be this tall to commit mass murder.
Roxas: And that’s why I spike my hair up. *is just tall enough*
but just right to be a very sexy guy, just looking to let out some tension and appetite on what he thought to be a girl", sora smirked at
Kairi: Even without the snip, I have no idea what’s going on.
Roxas: It’s just words! There is no meaning!
Every fiber of his being just wanted to give in now but his mind kept telling him to keep going dont turn around you'll just get hurt when he
finds out your not what he wanted, sora begin to walk once again his legs like jelly.
Axel: The Rob Zombie remake of Mrs. Doubtfire took a weird turn around Act II, didn’t it?
Riku kept his eye on sora the whole time, his body trembled too but not with fear of what sora would say but with want and need until every
step he took he could imagine the taste of him.
Riku: Well, I guess Nagas make any spork scarier.
He staired at sora's body (he wanted to make him squrm in delight but just what way could he do
Axel: You could try constricting him and then eating him.
the way he was walking he could tell sora was well aware of riku's presence now it was time to make a move..
Roxas: King to A5!
Kairi: Blast! Checkmate!
"hey sora," he whispered loud enough for him to hear,
Sora turned around to look at riku his hand loosened around the cups of punch.
"you look very pretty"riku shifted and moved closer
Roxas: *as Sora* OW!
Riku: Sorry! Two left feet!
"then you know im not a girl,"sora tensed-up awaiting what he would say.
Axel: *as Riku* Meh, an ass is an ass.
Just then sora felt riku put a hand on his waist, he shivered but it felt good. He pushed him against the wall now the punch in his left hand droped
Kairi: So long as he doesn’t drop my somethin’.
Roxas: *as Sora* AH! Cold hands, cold hands!
as riku moved closer to his lips. The shiver now turned into jerks but easy ones, sora moved closer too, he layed his hand on riku's familiar chest
Riku: How is it familiar if we’ve just met?
Kairi: I think everyone’s at least somewhat familiar with your abs.
and just let it happen(droping the other punch on riku slightly). Riku began to kiss sora's neck and chest rather than his lips again whispering
little taunts in his ear as he did.
Roxas: So now you’re Mohammad Ali?
Riku: Well, I did handcuff lightning and throw thunder in jail.
Axel: And you’re about to show Sora how great you are.
Sora move his hands across riku's back and waist nibbling at his ear, moving to his chest. Sora licked his way
Axel: He told me to LICK THIS WAAY! Suck d!©k this way!
across riku chest stopping once or twice to play and tease him which made riku moan slighlty and forget what he was doing to sora
Kairi: The Absent-Minded Seme, coming soon to Blu-Ray.
Riku: Starring Robin Williams?
until the
pleasure was to great he lifted sora up and took him to the nearest closed space the closest.
Axel: Didn’t you just come out of there? Make up your minds!
The small room was darkand riku had to open the door back up just to see how to lock it.
Riku: Er, wait, hang on, lemme level up my lockpick skill…
He then took back where he left off just
doing more (sora liked it with all the lights off and not knowing what was what)
Roxas: He just wants to stick his finger in your belly-button.
riku began to unzip sora's dress and as it droped so did he moving
sora closer to him. riku knew sora would probably taste good
Kairi: What flavor would Sora be?
Roxas: Badfic says chocolate, ‘cause of the hair.
Riku: Naw, his spirit color’s red; gotta be cherry.
Kairi: I think he’s strawberry, since he’s sweet.
Axel: I always pictured him tasting like flesh.
Kairi: Spoilsport.
but not this good he supposed that when you wait for something so long it has too be
Axel: Just like Duke Nukem Forever!
sora moaned each time riku went down and squrmed(just like riku wanted) each time he added something really make him jump
Roxas: The secret’s in the sauce.
Riku: It’s vinegar; I use it in all my kissing.
"sora had never had these feelings before it was like riku knew exactly what to do," he whispered
Roxas: Sora also gets hot and bothered over the third person limited omniscient point of view.
and ruffled riku's hair until riku stoped and stood up
turning sora around...
Kairi: And led him right out because this fic is rated K+.
Riku: Really? Oh, good, I was worried that-
entering the tremebling brunette he placed his hand on sora side to get a nice start and began to move faster sora was
now shaking, this is what he wanted from the first moment he fell into him, riku's thrust got faster and harder until sora began to shudder riku's
breath was now shallow and weak,but still wanting to continue he felt himself coming and then colapsed on sora who turned and kissed him softly
in praise.
Riku:… That was going to happen.
Kairi: What?! But- but-
Roxas: TOS violation! On top of everything else, they literally break the rules!
Axel: I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again; TROLLLLLLLLLLL!
They layed there together cooling off still holding each other wraped in sora's dress which surprisingly covered them both,
Kairi: Did it used to belong to Ursula?
The sounds of
people began to weak as the hour went by, neither of them wanted to move,
Axel: So they spent the night in a stranger’s closet.
Roxas: Sounds like your last Halloween.
Axel: Belle was awful nice about it, really.
riku turned his head to sora and kissed him on the forhead as sora
looked up.
"we have to get up soon", sora answered the question on riku's mind he looked sad about this
Riku: But I was gonna scare the guy when he went to do his laundry!
"i know", riku sighed and kissed sora one last time for the night
they stayed there like that just a few moments longer...
Axel: And then died. Well then, as I was saying-
Roxas: Axel, we still have the Author’s notes.
ok so u finished it
-The rest of the Author’s Notes have burst into flames-
Axel: No, we don’t. So, there, community service complete. Can I go back to my own time now?
All wait, but nothing happens
Axel:… Now?
Axel:… Now?
Kairi: Axel, I don’t think it’s gonna work. I… I must have been wrong.
Axel: *sags*
Riku: Well, uh… there’s always the long way back, right?
Axel: Do I look like Draco Malfoy?
Riku: *sighs* It was worth a try.
Roxas:… *Duh moment* Hey, wait, time travel, right?
Axel: Yeah?
Roxas: Why don’t we just go bug Luxord?
Axel: *leaps up* Why didn’t I think of that?
Roxas: ‘Cause you’re an idiot. C’mon, let’s go!
Axel: HA! I knew that old limey was good for something!
*both depart*
Kairi:… So, uh… Trick ‘r Treating?
Riku: Meh, why not?
*Both depart, ignoring the calendar as they do*
Calendar: *reads…. October 29, 2010*
Dun dun duuuun.
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