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08 September 2011 @ 07:24 pm
Title: mrs o
Author: archy the cockroach
 
Rating:   One for the insanely dykey (yet also oddly IC) Larxene, one for the rampant drug use, and one for the ‘rape=love’ that it leads too.
Full Species(es): Badficus Yuri.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Canon.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Canon. Really; no rocks were harmed in the making of this fic.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Larxene’s… you know, is smelly.
Special Possessions (if any): Drugs, which they probably shared with the author.
Connections To Canon Characters: Got high while cosplaying and thought they were them.
Special Abilities: The ability to become so high, so often, that normal amount of drugs have no effect. Oh wait, never mind, that’s drug addiction you twit.
 
Other Annoying Traits: The malebashing and slutty Olette were very annoying.
I Say/Notes:  This author is bad. And I mean it; simply awful. If anyone needs sporking material, just check their account. But I have dibs on trailer trash!Zexion and Leon.
 
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In Which There Is More Bad Touch, Mutilation, and a CameoCollapse )
 
In Which There Is Illness And Torture, Larxene Hatches A Plan, And We Are Forcibly Reminded That The Plot Master Has His Own Continuity And Is Sticking To ItCollapse )

 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Longer Boats
 
 
07 September 2011 @ 07:06 am

Title: Baby Roxas.

Author: hexpinteas.
Rating:  Four Shadows. One for the “plot” (if this bastardisation of common sense can be called thus), one for Characterisation, one for Roxas' characterisation in particular (namely, he is the only one in this entire goddamn fic that can be called “in-character”, which is just making me want to reach out and hug him for the way his IC clashes with the others' OOC), and one for not using the spiffy chapter-uploading but shoving all the chapters together into a massive Great Wall Of China Of Text.

Full Name (including any titles): Organization XIII (sans Xion).
Full Species(es): Nobodies.
Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon.
Eye Color (include adjectives): As canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: None noted... so far.
Special Possessions (if any): Marluxia has a monopoly on “weird plot-device shit the author's pulling out of their ass” in the first few chapters. So far, he displayed what I can only call “a plant that shoots out mustard-colored rohypnol-gas” and some... weird stuff that “take[s] away your powers”. Zexion has exploding notebook pages. Axel, meanwhile, has so far produced baby clothes, diapers and a stroller.

Origin: *Opens mouth.* ... *Shuts it.* I... don't know. “Hell” sounds too fluffy-pink-bunnies for this. This is just...
Connections To Canon Characters: Heard of them on Quizilla somewhere.
Special Abilities: To take away someone's powers through the power of... somehow, I guess.
Other Annoying Traits: Good god, where to START?

Sporking Crew: Axel, Roxas, Larxene, Marluxia, Vexen and Zexion.
I Say/Notes: If reynard531, the lurker who gave me the link to this, turns out to be the author of this thing for MAXIMUM TROLLAGE, then I would like to congratulate him on his achievement and tell him that his untimely demise when I find him will be quick and relatively painless.
As it is, though, I fear that this may be the real thing, because the author of this thing wrote three versions – Riku, Roxas and Sora. Holy fucking hell, this shit is bad. My first readthrough (up until “chapter” four or five, anyways. I'm sporking, not suicidal) was basically me sitting there with my mouth wide open going “You are fucking shitting me!”.
I refuse to read this alone. I am going to try out this newfangled “democracy”-thing and spread the pain equally. Thirty-eight pages in Word, 18 chapters. Whyyyy?...

PART UNE, or "Why Zexion Should Never Have Free Time, Ever".
PART DEUX, or "How Is Roxas Not Dead Yet?!".
PART TROIS, or "Larxene Gets A Wangsty Dark And Troubled Past".


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24 August 2011 @ 06:32 pm

Apologies for fail!spacing. Apparently Satan-HTML brought a friend.



Title: Of All The Worlds why did this badficcer latch onto the one from my favourite childhood movie?

Author: The Inspector.

Rating:  Two Shadows for yaoi-out-of-nowhere and the complete butchery of dolphin biology. Other than that, it's pretty good, actually.



Full Name (including any titles): Sora, Riku and Kairi (the hidden narrator).

Full Species(es): Dolphin-merboy (x2), mermaid.

Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon.

Eye Color (include adjectives): As canon.

Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Sora and Riku are part dolphin, as per Atlantica's biology. Kairi is a “true” mermaid.

Special Possessions (if any): A stash of gold jewellery, if we're going by the fic.



Origin: Under the seeeea!

Connections To Canon Characters: Rejected beta designs.

Special Abilities: To screw over dolphin biology. Oddly enough, the behavior seems okay-ish.

Other Annoying Traits: Voyeurism!



Sporking Crew: Destiny Trio plus Axel.

I Say/Notes: It's just... lolwut mermansex?
By the way, anyone got any badfics they want me to spork? The one I was planning to riff spontaneously developed Critical Existence Failure, sooo...




Sha-la-la-la-la-la, ain't that sad? Ain't it a shame? Too bad!...Collapse )




 
 
17 August 2011 @ 01:51 pm

If only there WERE epic explosions...Collapse )Title: Were Meant To Stay Together
Author: funni neko
Rating: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketOne for terrible, terrible grammar. One for the fic making little to no sense and for confusing the hell out of me, and one for horrible rape of canon and Compilation of FFVII.

Full Name (including any titles): Sora, Roxas, Ven, and Vanitas; sundry others.
Full Species(es): Horribilus Grammarus AUus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Barely mentioned.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Barely mentioned.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: HORRIBLE FAMILY CHOICES.
Special Possessions (if any): Vanitas has a Hello Kitty watch Sora gave him. I am terrified.

Origin: I don't want to know.
Connections To Canon Characters: Ate them.
Special Abilities: To confuse the living shit out of me.
Other Annoying Traits: Suddenly inserting a song, FANBRAT JAPANESE.

I Say/Notes: OH, GOD, WHAT IS THIS. Nothing makes sense, she mentions a pairing and ends up not using it, the mentioned pairings are either WTF-inducing or vaguely canon, she dragged a ton of characters out of Crisis Core and Advent Children, she makes families out of people that  are just…NO (poor, POOR, Riku and Kairi...)… Management had to make a vocal appearance a couple times out of the sheer WTFery and to toss some Compilation scripts at the boys.

 

I only wish there were epic explosions...Collapse )

 


 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 

Title: What Pornos Didnt Teach You About Sex
Author: pecan piesquared

Rating I really should give it more. I mean, the plot makes no sense and Roxas is suddenly a slut, but… I’m kind of a sucker for averted yaoi tropes. As a guy who likes guys, I like it when people can pull it off correctly, awkwardness and all. That, and this Roxas is my favorite uke ever.
Full names: Roxas and Lea
Full Species (es): Time Lord Human.
Hair Color (include adjectives): ‘bright red hair, all spiked out like a porcupine’ and blond.
Eye Color (include adjectives): ‘overbright’ at one point, but mostly assumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: None
Special Possessions (if any): Condoms and lube and porn. Yep, that’s what I think when I play Kingdom Hearts.
Origin: The bad future.
Connections To Canon Characters: Erased them from existence.
Special Abilities: Virgin sex powers. Oh, and time travel, but that’s not really important.
Other Annoying Traits: Roxas is really, really easy. This, however, is somewhat counteracted by his sheer, loveable snark.

I Say/Notes: Time travel sex. We’re at time travel sex now. The worst part? The time travel is barely mentioned. Roxas just goes back in time… because.

 

In Which canon is narrowly avoidedCollapse )

 

In Which Isa is suspicious and Lea sleeps aroundCollapse )

 

In Which Lea's ego takes a blowCollapse )

 

In Which Marluxia is a Timey Wimey LimeyCollapse )

 


 
 
Current Mood: chipperchipper
 
 
 
08 August 2011 @ 10:59 am

Title: Xigajoe: Number Zero
Author: Backyard-Beleave-Queen
Rating: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Full stats, see part 1 here

I Say/Notes: I think I got a little carried away with the sporking crew. Feel free to let me know if that's not okay.


 

Axel decides he dislikes this Management, too, and a dare is issued.Collapse )
 
 
Current Location: my bedroom
Current Mood: hungryhungry
 
 
04 August 2011 @ 02:06 am

Title:  Xigajoe: Number Zero
Author: Backyard-Beleave-Queen
Rating: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket One for bad grammar, one for slight OOC and pedo-Xigbar, and one for being an ADD Sue. Minus one for actually having an original-ish idea for an element.

Full Name (including any titles): Xigajoe (Apparently pronounced zig-a-joe. Who knew?)
Full Species(es): Nemo Horribilus Marysueus
Hair Color (include adjectives): 'dark brown ponytail with green streaks'
Eye Color (include adjectives): 'GRAPE' (WHAT.)
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Small delicious fruit posing as eyes.
Special Possessions (if any): Xigbar's sanity, probably. Also the ability to make Saïx act like a teenager.

Origin: Your average fangirl's mind, or Port Royal.
Connections To Canon Characters: JACK SPARROW'S DAUGHTER AND XIGBAR'S LOVER. WHAT.
Special Abilities: To beextremely annoying and 'ADHD'
Other Annoying Traits: Stereotyping the Organization, being a BAD OC.

I Say/Notes: First spork. I wanted to do a Xigbar fic, and I found this. It CALLED to me. The NAME. And it didn't disappoint.

Sample:

 

You know what I want, what I really, really want? A good fanfic.Collapse )

 


 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
04 July 2011 @ 09:23 pm

Title: If All Of This Had Never Happened.
Author:
mz.riku.
Rating:
  While the other parts have had Three Shadows as their rating, this specific part deserves an extra Shadow. Pity me.

Full stats are in part 1! Part 2 is here!

Sporking Crew: Sora, Riku, Kairi, Axel, Roxas, Xion.
I Say/Notes:
You may wonder why it took more than a month to spork this. Honest answer: I was terrified of sporking this part. We've hit a low in funny and a high on HOLYGREATMOTHEROFGODWHY. I spent days convincing myself that it wasn't so bad, only to be confronted with the most soul-crushing thing I have ever read in a badfic. However, after some tactical thinking, that specific scene has been bypassed and the funny can commence.

Helpful tip: sprite and crackers for chapter seven, people, otherwise you will get sick and you're all going to blame me for it. Ready? Here we go.
  
  
 
Phone call of doom, fer srs.Collapse )
  
  
 
MY BRAIN, IT BLEEDS. *Weeps.*Collapse )
  
  
 
How do the Valentines take this? Well...Collapse )
 
 
10 June 2011 @ 01:07 am
Title: Business Agreements
Author: this IS my happy face
Rating: General lazy typing and OOC, but not off-the-wall. It's just really unentertaining.
Full Name (including any titles): Zexion, Axel, Marluxia, Lexy, and in the second chapter some guy named Lexaeus shows up.
Full Species(es):
Human
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Marluxia's is slightly disheveled?
Eye Color (include adjectives):
Presumed as canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features:
None.
Special Possessions (if any):
None.

Origin:
Million-dollar question.
Connections To Canon Characters:
Are them. I think.
Special Abilities:
Lexaeus is bipolar. I guess this is a common theme in badfics where he's a major character.
Other Annoying Traits:
Never doing anything!

I Say/Notes: So boring! I'd sooner classify this as softcore chore and food porn than fanfiction. All of the plot in this four-chapter story can be fit into a fraction of one chapter. Seriously, if I were to estimate, I'd say at least two thirds of this is description of Zexion's chores. A story is short and sweet if you can say a lot with a few words, not by having short chapters where nothing important happens!

Sample:

 

Chapter 1Collapse )

 

Chapter 2Collapse )

 

 

Chapter 3Collapse )

 

Chapter 4Collapse )

 

 

 
 
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Excision, deadmau5, and Flux Pavilion
 
 
Title: These Dreams
Author: ShakenDreams
Rating: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"I struggled between two and three because of lazy typing, unnecessary details, OOC all around (everyone's either stupid or acts like a woman. And no, I don't mean Larxene.)" -From part 1 I chose three shadows this time because this part of the fic just flat out ate the canon universe and resulted in this. You'll see what I mean.
Full Name (including any titles): Zexion, Marly, Xigbar, Demyx, Luxord, Xaldin, Superior, the drunk, the redhead, the boy, the fit man, Zex, the aggravated cook, the Schemer.
Full Species(es):
Nobodies, I'm told to believe.
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Apparently, Lexaeus' hair is both red and orange.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
Presumed as canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features:
Lexaeus has hypnotic muscles.
Special Possessions (if any):
"Marly's" Nyquil; Demyx's "special cup," whatever that means.

Origin:
Hell if I know.
Connections To Canon Characters:
I'm told to believe they are the canon characters.
Special Abilities:
Lexaeus beats up random homophobes.
Other Annoying Traits:
It's hard to put my finger on, but it's there.

I Say/Notes:
What happened? All of a sudden, they're doing regular human stuff like driving, and it's never explained! Not even minimally! And it's like the whole dream issue just fell off the face of the planet!

Sample:
Seriously, what just happened?Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Lots of dubstep to wash out the fail!fluff.