plotmaster (plotmaster) wrote in heartless_fics,

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In Which Halloween! (Part 1)

Title:  (Removed by request)
Author: (Removed by request)
Rating For the spelling/grammar, characterization, and plot. It’s bad, but harmless.
Full names: Sora Jones, Kairi Vallin, Riku Colin, Roxas Kuchi, Donald and Goofy
Full Species (es): Human, Werewolf, Human, Human, Duck and Dog-Related.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Brown, Pale Red, Silver, Blond, Assumed Canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): Kairi’s sparkle, but otherwise canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Well, Kairi’s a ‘pale red head’, which seems to imply that she was decapitated…
Special Possessions (if any): Lycanthropy
Origin: Transylvania.
Connections To Canon Characters: Are Were-versions of them.
Special Abilities: Werewolf stuff.
Other Annoying Traits: None that stand out.
I Say/Notes: This theme was a choice between this and a Mary-Sue fic; the Sue-fic at least had passable spelling. Other than that, though, this is just harmless pit-drivel.
We open on Axel, standing just outside of a door marked ‘Theater 10-30’, tapping his foot impatiently.
Axel: Alright, alright, the time travel stuff was annoying, but at least it resolved itself offscreen and will never come back to bite me in the ass. So, can we please just get started with the fic?
But of course. The doors open and reveal… THE SPOOKING THEATER!
Axel: That’s not gonna catch on, you know. Alright, so-?
Kairi: Axel! There you are! We’ve been waiting for you!?
Axel: Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m late- Isn’t that the costume you wore last year??
Kairi:…Axel, you did that joke already.?
Roxas: Yeah, come on, let’s get with the program. And didn’t you say you were gonna put your costume back on?
Axel: Roxas! Hey, you’re back!?
Riku:… He never left.
Axel: What?
Roxas: Come on man, how badly did the zombie fic scramble your brain?
Axel:… What.
Kairi: He was acting like this during the vampire fic too, remember?
Riku: No, it was worse there.
Axel:… The zombie fic?
Kairi: Yeah, remember? The Halloween sporking list; Zombie, Vampires, Werewolves and Other.
Axel: That was the theme for 2010.
Riku:… Yeah. You know, this year.
Axel: WHAT?!
Roxas: Oh man, how much did you drink between sporkings? You don’t even remember what year it is?
Axel: NO! God-damn it, NO! We are supposed to be DONE with this time-travel BULL!
Before Axel can protest further, the sporking begins.
Hey guys! I had this idea in my head that I couldn't get out.
Kairi: ATHENA!
I wasn't planning for it, but here it is.
Roxas: So it’s like the badfic equivalent of a prom-night conception.
I was tired about writing about vampires, so I'm writing about werewolves this time.
Riku: But what will Team Edward do without you?
I hope you all enjoy this story and I will try to update this story as fast as I can, okay? Well I hope you all like it!
Axel: Haaaa….
What would happen if the whole world was a war place?
Kairi: Uh… I guess it would be a war place?
Axel: Poland? *smacked*
What would we do if demons and monsters came out of hiding to control the earth?
Riku: Run away?
Axel: Call the Ghostbusters?
Roxas: XP grind like there’s no tomorrow?
What would happen if our only hope was if we joined together with the werewolves?
Kairi: But aren’t they, you know… monsters?
Axel: They’re just misunderstood.
I know the answers to that.
Roxas: Because I have a cheat-sheet.
Our world is a mess because of the war between the demons and monsters. Our world has reached the extinction of many animal species. It's in flames.
Kairi:… Oh gosh, where do I even start?
Roxas: You gotta hand it to the demons, though; who else would have thought to win the war by setting everything on fire?
The demons and monsters have controlled the world with their supernatural powers, and it's a disaster.
Riku: The demons control 6,000,000,000 people. That’s as many as 1,000,000,000 sixes. And that’s terrible.
Our only hope is to join forces with the werewolves. They are man's best friend, like dogs are to us.
Axel: Only with, you know, more mauling.
I'm now writing a document of what happened to the world not long ago.
Roxas: The dreaded disease of Beiber Fever.
Axel: So that’s what it’s like to be stuck in a dated reference…
My name is Sora Jones, and I had to team up with the werewolves.
Kairi: It can’t be coincidence that he has the same last name as Fred from Scooby Doo.
Riku:… So am I Shaggy, or what?
I didn't mind them, but there was only one werewolf that interested me.
Axel: Riku?
Riku: Roxas?
Roxas: Axel?
Kairi:… Jacob?
Her name was Kairi Vallin (my real last name).
Riku: So he’s not gay?
Roxas: And Jones is a…pseudonym?
She was so mysterious, fast yet graceful, and I fell in love with her. She was very quiet, and always had her dog, Coraline (I have a dog named Coraline in real life) with her.
Axel: Oh, those are author’s notes.
Kairi: Oh shoot, so I’m actually just a self insert instead of a cool werewolf.
Riku: *pats*
They were both partners, and got along with each other well.
Axel: And Sora is one-upped by the freaking dog.
Roxas: That’s just sad.
She was beautiful, but also a werewolf. I'm only a mere human, weak and fragile. She's strong, fast, and irresistible.
Kairi: So it’s exactly like Twilight, only gender-bent.
I first met her when the demons and monsters appeared.
Riku: Probably because she was a, you know, monster.
They threaten us humans if we tried to rebel against them, we would die.
Roxas: It’s the Seven Hour War all over again…
Riku: Fear not; the Kai-ree will lead us to freedom.
Kairi: *summons crowbar*
It was a humid day in August 20, 2034. We were at Destiny Islands, researching for any leads on how to beat the demons.
Roxas: Sadly, they’d vandalized the Wikipedia page, so we were at a loss.
It almost seemed impossible, but we had to try.
Kairi: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
Axel: The Little Demon-Hunter who could.
I was with my two best friends from my childhood, Riku Colin and Roxas Kuchi.
Roxas: Darn, we were that close to having no pointless Japanese names.
Kairi: No one ever remembers poor ol’ Tidus and Wakka.
We always played at the islands when we were little, but it's been years since then. Both I and Roxas were 17. Riku was 19 already.
Riku: Because I somehow skipped a year.
Axel: Time Travel; it’s more likely than you think.
Kairi: Especially since you’re a Time Lord and all.
We were at the old island we used to play at. It was burned by the fire the demons caused. The trees and bushes into ashes, the river was dried, except for the paopu tree.
It was like no one ever touched it.
Axel: Except, you know, the fire.
Riku: Wait, but… the river was tidal.
Kairi: Did they dry up the ocean?!
Why did that tree survive the mayhem the world has been through?
"How is it possible?" I asked myself as I looked at it.
Riku: Plot convenience?
"That tree has a shield to protect itself through a lot of dangers," I heard Riku saying from behind me. He was looking at the ground, examining it. "There's a really old legend to it, you know."
Riku: Called it.
I already knew the legend, but how was it possible for it to survive.
Roxas: It must sacrifice question marks in order to survive.
Wasn't the legend that the two people who share the paopu will have their destinies intertwined, and they will be a part of each other's lives forever?
"But how?" I asked again.
Axel: Is now really the best time?
Roxas: *as Sora* I can’t help it; it’s so PLOT RELATED!
No one answered me back there.
Riku: Probably because none of us were hanging out on the bombed out island.
Kairi: Turns out the tree survived due to radiation.
I went to see the secret place that was at the corner next to the dried up river. It was still the way it was years ago.
Riku: Except, you know, dry. And radioactive. And on fire.
-Sora and Roxas wonder why the Secret Place wasn’t destroyed by fire, then shrug and go inside-
There were two figures lying on the ground. One of them was a duck, and the other was … um something related with dogs.
Kairi: *glee* Donald and Goofy!
Axel: *pure, abject horror* DONALD AND GOOFY!
"Shit…" I whispered.
Roxas: Well, we know who’s side Sora is on.
The two figures moved and moaned like if they were in pain. I got scared at first, but then realized that they were both still alive.
Riku: At this point, zombie panic is totally justified.
I ran to their aid as quickly as I could. They were next to the strange door that had no doorknob, lock, or window to begin with.
Riku: ‘cause that’s, you know, weird.
"Are you two ok?" I asked.
"I'm fine, but I don't know about Goofy though." Said the duck.
Roxas: Now fly into a rage and kill a thousand Heartless.
Axel: And Demyx, just for good measure.
"I'm fine too Donald and strange person I never met before. Just sleepy, that's it." Replied the … well Goofy.
Kairi: Come on, he’s a dog! It’s not that hard! He even kinda looks like Pluto!
Axel: And he’s fun to kick, just like- *smacked*
I helped both of them stand up and just wondered : 'How did they get here?'
"What happened to both of you?" I asked them.
"Well, you see we were protecting the door here, along with… wait, WHERE"S KAIRI!" the duck explained.
Roxas:… Have they been here the whole time?!
Riku: I guess Sora really sucks at Spot Checks.
Axel: Well, he didn’t notice  the lion tending- oh, right, time travel. *slumps*
"Um… garwsh Donald. I don't know. She's everywhere." Replied Goofy.
I was more confused than before.
Riku: So she pulled an Axel?
Axel: Oh she’s right here… and over there… and over there… and up there…
"Kairi? Who is she?" I asked.
"Oh well she's our partner in protecting the earth. She's not human though. Oh I'm sorry. I'm Donald and that's Goofy. We're the protectors of the earth!"
Riku: Are you guys still hanging out with Manic, or did you become Planeteers when we weren’t looking?
"No we're not Donald. A'hyuck! We just fight the demons and monsters." Said Goofy.
Kairi: And they are not threats to the earth in any way, shape or form.
Donald's face turned red in anger. Even stream was coming out of his ears. He screamed and kicked Goofy in the leg which caused him to jump and yell.
Roxas: GEEZE, Donald, calm down! It’s Goofy, that’s kinda his schtick!
"Ow! That hurt, y'know!"
Roxas: Or maybe he’s Rai, I don’t know anymore!
I was still wondering who was Kairi? If she wasn't human, what was she?
"Um … who's Kairi and what is she?" I asked
Axel: Well, that was straightforward.
Riku: You know Sora; he never beats around the… *sighs* bush.
Axel: Permission to giggle like a twelve-year-old?
Riku: Granted; I walked right into that one.
Axel: *giggles*
"Well, like I said. She's our partner and a …" Donald paused. "A werewolf."
I jumped a bit. Weren't werewolves monsters and against us?
Kairi: Hi logic!
"You see werewolves are actually against the other demons and monsters.
Kairi: Bye logic!
They are half human and half wolf, so they don't get along with the others. Like dogs, they are man's best friend. They're on our side." Explained Goofy.
Kairi: Hi anti-logic!
Both Riku and Roxas came running inside, worried.
"Hey Sora, are you alright?" Asked Roxas.
I looked at them with a smile.
"I'm fine. Just found some friends." I said.
I looked back at the two. They were both smiling.
Axel: And holding knives.
Riku: And drawing pentagrams.
Kairi: And covering Sora in barbeque sauce.
Roxas: They seem wholesome enough.
They both explained everything to the two, and left them shocked.
"So our only hope is to team up with the werewolves here, right?" Asked Riku.
Riku: Wow, we’re screwed.
"Yes, and we have to hurry too. We just need to find Kairi. Damn that girl!
Kairi: DONALD! *holds out the Swear Jar*
Axel: *drops in a few thousand* May as well settle up my tab, while I’m here.
She wanders off anywhere when we need her!" Said Donald.
"Hey! I was looking for some clues! Gimme a break, would ya?"
Roxas: So it is an episode of Scooby Doo.
We all looked behind us. It was a pale red head with blue, sparkling eyes.

"There you are Kairi! We've been worried sick about you! WHERE WERE YOU?" Screamed an angry Donald.
Kairi: Aww, that’s sweet, but I’m kind of a werewolf; I can handle myself.
Axel: I don’t think they’re worried about your safety.
"I told you. Around the island looking for clues. Can you stop being over protective?
Roxas: *as Kairi* I haven’t mauled anyone in, like, three whole days!
Axel: An Island Werewolf in Agrabah.
And watch you're temper.
Riku: I could buy that Donald Duck is the avatar of Bad Temper.
Remember what Daisy said. She'll get angry when she hears about this."
I looked at that nice, short hair of hers. She was a beauty, and so wonderful.
Axel: *Australian* Now that’s a right beauty, there; a wild Kairi, in ‘er natural ‘abitat.
Kairi: I’d take the compliment, but I’m afraid it’ll lead to Amazons or something.
"Well the good thing is that no one got hurt. Oh and these are Sora with the brown hair, Roxas with the blond hair, and Riku with the silver hair. They're looking for help too." Said Goofy.
Roxas: Forsooth! ‘Tis I, Roxas of ye blonde haire! ‘twould be most boonful o’ ye t’aid us in our quest, fair knight!
Riku: Wilst thou joinest us in our courte of Silly Haire?
Axel: Yea and verily.
I noticed something from Kairi. She kept staring at me after Goofy introduced all of us. I kept staring at her too. I wonder what she saw in me.
Roxas: *as Sora* Is it… love?
Kairi: No, you’ve got something on your teeth.
We talked more about the situation after that.
Roxas: So… aliens and monsters?
Axel: They’re attacking my place.
"It's true. I'm a werewolf too, and I'm also trying to stop the enemies here. Especially the vampires."
"Why the vampires?" I asked her.
Axel: Because f#©|< Team Edward, that’s why.
Kairi: Axel! *Swear Jar*
Axel: I’ll get to it next spork.
She turned to look at me with her beautiful eyes. She smiled at me.
"Werewolves and Vampires don't mix very well. We despise each other. That's why."
Why do werewolves and vampires despise each other? Why?
Roxas: Because shut your face.
"We need to meet up with the others, Kairi. Let's get ready. Will you three join us?" Asked Donald.
Riku: Sorry, only three per party. Someone’s gonna have to switch out at Save Points.
I nodded. Roxas nodded. Then Riku nodded.
We were going to stop this war for good, and with the help of the werewolves.
It was for the sake of our planet and people.
Axel: And that’s terrible.
I hope you liked it. This is just the beginning, so I hope you stick to the story. Please review and favorite this story or I won't continue this story. See you soon!
Axel:… Is that it?
Kairi: Almost! Just one more Halloween Spork, and we’re done!
Roxas: Come on Axel, lighten up! At least there’s no Leechgrave or anything.
Axel:… I’m from the future.
Riku: Ha-ha, very-
Axel: Dream Drop Distance, you get a new outfit and are a player character.
Riku: Ha- wait, how’d you know that?
Axel: You guys said I was acting weird last spork. What did I say?
Roxas:… Dammit, I went the wrong way?
Kairi: Axel, are you-
Axel: Quiet; I need to explain a few things…
Will our heroes figure out what’s going on? Will Halloween be saved? Why did this story stop making sense? Tune in next time… or in the comments, whichever you feel like doing first.
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